Hér og víða erlendis hefur krafa á aðkomu foreldra að skólagöngu og tómstundastarfibarna sinna farið vaxandi, en þessi síaukna áhersla virðist ekki hafa verið skoðuð og ræddmeð gagnrýnum hætti hérlendis. Markmið þessarar rannsóknar var að skoða með hvaðahætti samviskubit, kvíði og skömm birtust hjá mæðrum og feðrum í tengslum við skólaog tómstundastarf barna þeirra. Lögð er áhersla á að skilja hvað þessi tilfinningaleguviðbrögð segja okkur um samfélagslegar aðstæður barnafjölskyldna. Gögnum var safnaðmeð eigindlegri spurningakönnun þar sem foreldrar barna á aldrinum 0–18 ára vorubeðnir um að lýsa tilfinningum sínum í tengslum við foreldrahlutverkið. Alls söfnuðust374 svör frá mæðrum og 76 frá feðrum. Gögnin voru greind með aðferð ígrundandiþemagreiningar. Fyrra þema greiningarinnar var „Geri ég þetta rétt?“ Móðirin semábyrgðarmaður heimanáms og tómstunda. Þar greindu mæðurnar frá samviskubiti ogkvíða í tengslum við skóla- og tómstundavinnu, svo sem heimalestur og æfingar. Feðurnirgreindu mun síður frá slíkum tilfinningum á meðan mæðurnar lýstu samviskubitinusem stöðugu. Svörin gáfu sterkar vísbendingar um að þær öxluðu mun meiri ábyrgðá skóla- og tómstundavinnu heldur en feðurnir. Seinna þemað nefndist Allir fjandanstölvupóstarnir: Mæður á þriðju vaktinni. Þar lýstu mæður þeirri hugrænu byrði semþær þyrftu að axla vegna skóla- og tómstundavinnu sinnar og hvernig hún ylli þeimsamviskubiti, kvíða og skömm. Einnig voru dæmi um slík svör frá feðrum en þau vorumun sjaldgæfari. Þessar niðurstöður eru settar í samhengi við hugmyndafræði ákafrarmæðrunar og einstaklingsvæðingu foreldrahlutverksins. Álag á mæðrunum hefurneikvæð áhrif á samskipti innan fjölskyldna og milli foreldra og fagfólks sem er andstætthagsmunum barna og annarra fjölskyldumeðlima.
Parents are increasingly expected to cooperate with schools about their children’seducation and be educators in the home. They are also expected to organise the children’sleisure time with sports or other extra-curricular activities. This is also the case herein Iceland but this trend and its ramifications for families has not been scrutinised.Rather, it has been taken as a self-evident truth that this development is positive forfamilies. This study aims to understand in what way guilt, anxiety and shame manifestwith mothers and fathers in connection to their work around the schooling or organisedleisure activities of their children. This refers to anything parents do to support theirchildren in these areas, such as providing homework assistance, driving to a music orsports practice, and attending events. Through exploring these feelings, I aim to shedlight on the social context of families in Iceland and its gendered dimensions.The data was collected through an online qualitative questionnaire where parentsof children aged 0–18 years old were asked to describe their feelings in connectionto parenthood. In total, 374 mothers answered the list, along with 76 fathers. Therespondents were overwhelmingly university-educated and wrote fluent Icelandic. Ianalysed the data using reflexive thematic analysis and constructed two themes.The first theme is “Am I doing this correctly?” Mothers’ responsibility for homeworkand organised leisure activities. This theme revolves around the feelings of anxiety andguilt that the mothers express in connection to the myriad of ways they are expected tosupport their children’s schooling and leisure activities. The fathers, on the other hand,did not express these feelings. As it so happens, throughout this study, I am comparingthe agonising guilt, shame and anxiety of the mothers to the silence of the fathers. Itis clear from the answers that the mothers shoulder the lion’s share of work in supportof their children’s schooling and organised leisure activities. The latter theme is All theBloody Emails: Mothers on the Third Shift. This theme shows the mental load of mothers,which is directly connected to working around school and their children’s extracurricularactivities. This involves, for example, remembering events at school, remembering specialdays at school, and ensuring the child has everything it needs. The mothers comparedthemselves to an imaginary, perfect mother who can remember it all. There were alsosome examples of a mental load from the third shift from the fathers, but this was rare.The analysis implies a highly gendered division of parental work supporting children’sschooling and extra-curricular activities in Iceland. Mothers shoulder the mainresponsibility of assisting with homework and other duties that are connected to thispart of parenting, and this causes high levels of anxiety, guilt and shame. I discuss theseresults in the light of intensive mothering and individualisation of parenting. Mothers aremeant to be extremely involved in all aspects of their children’s lives, which is uncriticallyclaimed to be the best for the child. This is reflected in the increasing demand thatparents be their children’s teachers at home. With the individualisation of parenting, weare made to believe that it is the mothers’ fault if anything goes wrong in their child’slife, and social circumstances are not considered. This heightens the perceived risk ofparenting and creates anxiety and stress in mothers’ lives. The analysis also shows thatthe mentality of intensive mothering risks straining the relationship between mothersand their children, who are meant to be eager about their homework and extra-curricularactivities. When they are not, the mothers’ anxiety, shame and guilt heightens, resultingin fights or negative interactions with their children. Policymakers and professionals whowork with families need to be aware of the mental ramifications of intensive motheringand create a space for parents to resist it, connect, and critically discuss the social pressuremothers are under. The respondents of this study were privileged in terms of education,finances and language and still described immense pressure, anxiety and shame. Further15Netla – Veftímarit um uppeldi og menntun:studies are needed to understand in what way intensive mothering and school and extracurricular activities put pressure on mothers who are in marginalised positions due totheir social class, disability, origin, or other factors.
